Exactly one week after my daughter was born, I received the news, via email,  that I was accepted to give a TEDx Talk on March 24, 2024. I was holding my tiny baby girl in my arms and was overwhelmed with excitement. I didn’t think this day would come or at least not so soon. It was also my brother’s birthday. Essentially, a week of celebration! 

And then the real work began- writing, memorizing, and performing my talk in preparation of effectively and efficiently sharing my message with the world. No sweat, right? It was all worth it when I reflect on the why and that what actually came to fruition was beyond what I could have imagined. 

I originally chose to pursue this path to grow- challenge my tendency towards introversion; explore how to focus on the bigger picture; deliver a message that would leave a lasting impact- basically become the best public speaker I could be. 

However, the process morphed into something far more meaningful than that, and it all boils down to relationships, which funny enough, is the topic of my TEDx Talk. 

I continued to discover the value of a coach- someone who can help you bring ideas to life, provide you with honest feedback, encourage you to see rejection as an opportunity to excel, draw you into a community of those with a similar vision, and cheer you on at the finish line or spark the idea that there is no finish line! 

I recognized the importance of communicating with the other speakers in advance of the big day, that we all had a burning desire to share something we are passionate about, so why not support one another, build each other up; and make new friends? It’s never too late (had dinner with one of the speakers and her husband and I can attest to the fact that even a few hours of quality time and sharing life experiences, can forge new friendships!) It put me at ease to have what I would say is a TEDx speaker support group of sorts, and we shared many, many laughs, something that is invaluable when under any kind of stress, even the positive kind! 

I discovered what it takes to actually host a TEDx event at a University by interacting with the organizers from the day of acceptance to the day of the event, where I met a large team of volunteers. It takes a high level of commitment and passion to organize something like this- and for busy college students, I was beyond impressed by their professionalism, timeliness, teamwork, creativity,  drive, kindness, and generosity (they provided each speaker with a very personalized gift- I even received a kong dog toy for my two golden retrievers and a peppa the pig doctor toy set for my daughter!) 

I am also amazed by the power of social media leading to real life connection.  I had only conversed with another healthcare provider via linked in and she and her husband  made the journey to come meet me and support my talk! It was one of the kindest gestures and now I have yet, another friend with the same passion to unpack medical professional burnout in order to make room in the suitcase for solutions, for joy. 

Then there is my family. I would be remiss if I did not express the value of family in supporting your endeavors. My sister was my cheerleader, through and through, from helping me tease out the constant mom versus outside passions battle; listening to my talk and providing feedback; helping me pick out my outfit and jewelry, and sending me words of encouragement up to the morning of!

My mother-in-law and husband took care of our baby girl while I had the opportunity to do something that was important to me and for me. I went from never wanting to ask for help to understanding the importance of knowing when to ask for help. And even more vital, allowing your partner to take responsibility in all that comes along with parenting. And then of course, my work family- my colleagues and staff. They took care of my patients while I was away. I think any Physician can attest to the value of harmonious relationships with those you work with – a key to burnout prevention. 

And lastly, and arguably, most importantly,  I developed a new relationship with myself. Although, I was beyond delighted to be accepted to give a talk—-after multiple takes for pitch videos, approximately 18 applications, and a rejection after a finalist interview—- there were countless episodes of self doubt. Why would I choose to do something that makes me so nervous? Can I actually be a good public speaker? Why did I decide to do this now, when I am in the middle of learning how to be a new parent? Is my topic actually important to share? Will people like my talk? I have been told I have an FM voice- will I put people to sleep? Should I back out? And the list goes on. 

With every doubt, I knew that I had the choice to view this experience through a different lens. I will never know if I have the ability to confidently speak on stage if I don’t try. I am setting an example for my daughter – you can create your blend of motherhood, career, and passion. My daughter will be proud of me for recognizing that it is healthy to have time apart and a healthier mother is a healthier child. If I think my message is important, it is important- my opinion of myself is what matters most. Not everyone will like what I have to say- accept that and focus on the those who are listening and therefore whose lives I will change (side note- a close friend did open up about her anxiety with her doctor and decided to go to therapy after I practiced my talk in front of her -yes, my heart melted). My voice is calming AND I can learn to use it in different ways to have varying impact.  There is a reason I was accepted to give this talk, with these particular speakers, at this location, on this day. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 

I wrote and rewrote my talk a countless number of times, learning how to focus on the details that truly contribute to the big picture, all in between my daughter’s naps, while feeding her, or while pumping. I read my talk to anyone that would listen, including family, friends, the other speakers, my mentorship group, and learning how to change the intonation of my voice to ignite different emotions in the listeners. I then memorized my talk, spending innumerable hours reciting the words and then performing them in my the shower, in my backyard, in front of any mirror in the house, on my commute, into my voice memos on my phone, on zoom for my friends/other speakers/mentor community (live or via recordings), in the nursery while holding my daughter (I wonder if her first word will be a random word from my talk), while pumping (did I mention the pump?), on the flight to the talk, in my hotel room, on the actual stage at rehearsal and then the day of! I even hand wrote my talk on the plane to help embed it in my brain (thank you to a prior TEDx speaker for this suggestion)!  All the while, it being my first time being away from my daughter this long, feeling overcome with tears out of missing her and the first time figuring out the logistics of pumping and all that goes along with it (airline guidelines, pumping in the plane/ airport/hotel, storing the milk and bringing it back safely). 

Getting on stage was nerve wracking. I couldn’t fall asleep until 130 AM because of the time difference between CA and NJ and had only slept 5 hours the night before. I had to lug my suitcase, purse and pumping bag to the University and make sure I had place to store my expressed breastmilk. I had two cups of strong coffee, 2 Dunkin donut holes; I lost weight and my pants didn’t fit right and didn’t realize until that morning! Thankfully, a fellow speaker came to the rescue with pins from her tailoring shop! I did great at rehearsal but the day of my heart was racing the whole time, especially because I was first- happy to get it over with but also felt like a lot of pressure! 

During the talk, my mind was one step ahead- thinking about the pauses I made when I forgot something – felt like hours, or how no one was laughing at my jokes or laughing when I wasn’t meaning to joke, and not knowing if people really understood my message. Wondering if I was walking around too much, was my shirt riding up,  was my mic working?! But, I made it all the way through and my fellow speakers didn’t notice a hitch! And plenty of people mentioned that they loved the talk and more importantly, I kept reminding myself that this message had already changed a few lives based on my conversations with loved ones and the recording was the most important part because that will reach anyone who may benefit from it. 

I guess this is what confidence feels like- If I can do all of that, I am pretty sure I could take a stab at trying something new, yet again.

Check out my TEDx Talk here! I hope it inspires you.

https://youtu.be/5ROmXgSwH-s?feature=shared