I still remember one of the worst days of my early childhood— my first day at a new school, as a third grader, at the end of a semester, and having a hard time remembering how to speak English, after returning from a 3 month trip to India. 

I was so embarrassed, that I peed in my pants and just sat in the puddle at my assigned seat, hoping no one would notice. 

Mortifying, right? 

I felt ashamed.  How could I forget to speak English? I’m not smart enough to be at a magnet school.  I should’ve stayed at my old school. How could I pee in my pants? I am such a baby. How could anyone like me?   This is the judge of self. 

My mom shouldn’t have taken me out of school for three months. She should’ve let me speak English while we were abroad. She doesn’t understand how humiliating this is. My new classmates are so mean. This is the judge of others.

Being away from school for three months was too long. Being in India and spending time in the rural areas was a mistake. Speaking another language  has confused me. Things will be better when I go home or make friends. This is the judge of circumstances.

I don’t recall if those were all the thoughts I had, but I would say much of it is true.

I share this story to illustrate that we form judgments of self, others, and circumstances at a very young age. And that feeds our subconscious and it can’t tell the difference between what is serving us versus what is not. 

So, it’s not surprising that we continue to have

this ever present judge permeate our adult lives. 

How can we catch this Judge in the act and prevent it from ruling our lives?

The first step is recognizing when you are judging yourself versus others versus circumstances. You may even consider giving it a name. I

In terms of the judge of self, be on alert if you start to think, “I am not worthy of [love, respect, success, wealth, etc]  unless I… [insert action here].” An exercise that may help is to ask yourself: “Why do I love myself?“ until you can reach “I love myself for who I am.”

In terms of the judge of others, red lights should be flashing if you start to think, “They should or should not…” An exercise that may be beneficial is thinking about the common judgements you pass on others ahead of interactions so that you can catch yourself in time.

In terms of judge of circumstances, be on alert if you think, “I will be happy when…” aka the arrival fallacy, something that heavily plagues us all! An exercise that may help is thinking about the last time you had this thought and how long your happiness actually lasted. Typically the happiness is in the anticipation of the arrival, aka the journey, and the journey is your present moment. 

So, be on alert. Vanquish your Judge. Love yourself, others, and the now.