I am six months in with my first–a beautiful, healthy, baby girl–and I couldn’t be more fortunate.

However, I soon learned that I can be grateful AND not shame myself for having an identity crisis.

I have always been highly career-oriented and she rocked my whole world, shifted my priorities.

I spent the first half of her life really struggling with this evolution in identity or rather this novel identity, constantly wondering if I was still meant to be a Physician and if I should place a hold on my other passions (non- necessities) to focus on her, and ultimately realized that I can be Mom, Physician, and Coach for example, but that it was ok to just be “Mom” for a while.  I decided that at the end of my life looking back, I would rather have been fully present for my daughter’s firsts, than be consumed by endless mind chatter of what else I “should” be doing. Doctoring and business opportunities will always be there waiting for me when I am ready, but my daughter will never be 6 months old, again. It just took time to have that shift in perspective. I think a part of me still feels the tug, but now I am able to reflect on how great I feel when I spend hours playing, walking, laughing and cuddling with her and that pull dissipates or is redirected towards activities that truly matter.

This experience has also been the first time in my adult life that I have really had to learn to consistently ask for help—a skill I’m proud to be developing.

Additionally, I have had to let go of control and accept the ever changing (literally this child changes on a weekly basis!), and unpredictable life as a parent.

So, what actually helped me move from survival mode towards thriving? 

1. I took the time to re-think my priorities and accept that it’s ok that they have changed, and that they will continue to change. Also, that it’s ok that it took me a while to reach any kind of conclusion, or rather that there may never be a final conclusion.

2. I ask for help from my mom, mother-in-law, husband, siblings, friends, even with the smallest tasks like washing and sanitizing baby bottles. Every ounce of help matters!

3. I communicate more directly and set boundaries. Like Brene Bown says, “Clear is kind.” I also imagine throwing a gift at the person I am setting a boundary with!

4. I am realizing and accepting that every child is different and to take only the advice I find useful and applicable to my child and let the rest go, and that my clinical experience has little bearing on how well I perform as a parent.

5. I am more vulnerable. I share more, ask more questions, and found my community (through friends and social media) of both men and women who have experienced parenthood, whether as a healthcare professional or not.

6. I review my top three priorities for each day and complete them during my daughter’s first three naps (who knows what will happen when she goes down to only two naps per day!)

7.I put in the time to create a childcare plan and embrace the fact that it will evolve.

8. I prepped for going back to work- met with my boss and manager to discuss a lactation plan, scheduling, informing my patients, prepping charts, for example, and most importantly surrendering to the many things that may have changed while I was away and that I don’t have to absorb it all in one day or even one month.

9. I truly enjoy and immerse myself in each moment – focus on my daughter’s smile, cooing, curious eyes, reading a book, playing with a new toy, and her face when she tries new foods!

10. I Take One. Day. At. A. Time. I thought this advice was incredibly frustrating, until I actually tried it and realized it’s the only way to peacefully reacclimate to life.

Overall, becoming a parent is the most humbling experience of my life and the empathetic part of my heart has blossomed beyond what I could have imagined, which has only spilled over into my professional life, allowing me to be a better Physician.

I hope this strikes a chord with others on this adventure called parenting and can’t wait to see what happens next!